I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
