brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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