Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
