I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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