Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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