If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All the doctor said was why
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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