come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
