So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
