I'm lost and stupid without you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
