They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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