I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
