dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
