90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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