You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
