update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
