So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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