You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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