You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
