The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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