Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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