is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
