i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
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i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
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In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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