apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
