As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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