I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
