Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
