Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
