you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
