The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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