i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
