I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize