someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
