the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
