I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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