Define "chronic" masturbator.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
