Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
