That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
