he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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