Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
