it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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