these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
