I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
