Someone shit on the floor
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
