Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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