we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
