I accidentally burped into my bong.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Your cock deserves a montage
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
