did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
