Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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