I think scott just propositioned me for sex
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
