shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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