Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize