This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
