Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
