just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
