In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
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you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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