I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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