I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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