she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
