obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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