I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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