I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
