Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
