If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize