Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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