The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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