where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
