i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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