i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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