I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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