Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
