Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
