I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
