not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
