I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
