He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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