Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
