I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
