your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
