Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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