How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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