You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
