Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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